The big reveal!

I always crack up when TV shows take a homely person....flip them all around....make their teeth neon white...suck out any normal person fat...exercise them to the point of exhaustion...straighten their noses...you name it and then (just an hour later....it's amazing!) give us "THE BIG REVEAL". They come out and they don't even resemble the person we first saw...and TA DA....they look like an assembly line person. Smiling...perfect...squeezed into 4 sizes smaller and we applaud like maniacs..."Yes...she looks so good...oh, look at her nose...good heavens....her saddle bags have vanished!...my, my, my....what a beauty!"



I wonder if THAT is truly "the big reveal"? Shouldn't we really applaud the opposite? I suppose I could explain this because I'm really headed toward something here...and it isn't pretty. No liposuction...no Beverly Hills dentist straightening and whitening....no exercise guru...but it IS a big reveal.



When we lived at West Point, we only had 6 immediate neighbors. We were a weird, disfunctional family. But, we hung out, babysat each other's kids, cried with each other, laughed with each other....we were different but we were family for 3 years. One day....one of the neighbors had a huge Sunday brunch. I'm sure it was amazing....but I wouldn't know....she didn't invite me. It was a punch in the stomach. Don't ask me why....but it was. I cried. John thought I was crazy because he didn't like hanging out at their house....I still cried. I felt like I was in Middle School.



Fast forward 6 years. I would love to tell you that I am a milion times more mature than I was 6 years ago....in some ways I have certainly grown....but that stupid brunch and a few that followed after that stupid brunch...affected me in a funny way. Which brings me to tomorrow.



Tomorrow is Jack's 7th Birthday party...the actual birthday is Friday...the party is tomorrow. I asked Jack who he wanted to invite....he gave me a list (....6 children...) and then I made the invitations. BRACE YOURSELF.....I INVITED 30 FREAKING CHILDREN!!! (Don't gasp...I know that THAT "F" word isn't nice...but it just fit there nicely....). I am having a major heart attack as I type this. T*H*I*R*T*Y K*I*D*S...........thirty.....thirty...thirty...WHAT WAS I THINKING?????



I KNOW what I was thinking. I was mortaly terrified that we would leave someone out and that some innocent child would be standing on the outside looking in....just like I was the day my neighbor had her big fat fancy brunch. There....I did it....my reveal. Did you miss it? Wounded Christy revealed herself....not just to you...but to everyone because I invited the whole dang neighborhood. Can you applaud me, please? The real me just stepped forward and I have a feeling your real self steps forward lots of times too...maybe not in a way everyone will witness...but we all carry baggage that shows itself from time to time. Oh, mine just did...the yard will be brimming with children tomorrow....my baggage running around yelling, playing , eating cake....all out there for everyone to see.



My real self is scared to be left out. My real self hopes that you will notice that I did not conceivably leave out a single soul. And...as a sweet reward...you will not leave me out. OH THE PAIN....actually...I feel like I want to laugh. I cannot believe I invited all of those children to this party. I cannot believe my wounds are still there. This is my prayer...that these old wounds will somehow be used to bless someone else. That they are not in vain. That God will reach into my heart and put a big fat heavenly band-aid right where the wound still sits and that Jack has the best....wildest....loudest....most fun....crazy 7th birthday EVER....with 6 of his closest friends.......................................and 24 more that I brought into the fold!