Slacker Sighting - Take 2

Can I be totally honest with you?  I think I am slipping.  I think I took my "Martha Stewart" self for a ride on a dark stretch of road and threw her out without directions home.  Now, I wouldn't have thought to tell you this except 1)  the Moon Pie incident was just a couple of weeks ago and now 2) The Groundhog Day incident happened YESTERDAY.  TWO unfortunate slips of the "perfect housewife" persona.  I am seeing a trend and I am disturbed.  Please - take my hand - I need to show you the truth that cannot be ignored.

Disclaimer:  If you are a "Martha Stewart" type character....you are going to be deeply offended and may even feel the urge to celebrate Groundhog Day...a day late.  Do not give in to the urge.  Groundhog Day is not a serious "deal breaker" holiday.  It is a "Oh, yeah...it's Groundhog Day" kind of holiday and shall not receive any attention EXCEPT for the actual day.  You - and you know who you are - will have to wait until February 2, 2011 to undo the damage I have done.

One day, I'm sure when my children were much younger, I came across this article in "Family Fun" magazine.  It just so happens that this magazine is tailored for Mommies who want to celebrate every stinkin' holiday that is, was and ever WILL be...Mommies who dream of homemade castle cakes and cleverly crafted Princess costumes and saying the right things at the right times...everytime.  I LOVE "Family Fun"...it also has good ideas for birthday parties and parenting and afore mentioned holidays....I don't want you to think it led to my dismise in any way.  

See this?  This is the photograph from the article.  

See the little brown groundhog?  His little puffy cheeks?  His little pink tongue? His little buck teeth? Oh, the little brown ears just make my voice go up an octave while I scrunch up my face and say, "OH!!!  HEEEE'SSS SOOOOO CUUUUUTTTTTTE!".  Groundhog Day...WHO KNEW such a fabulous cupcake could come out of a day when a hibernating rodent is coaxed out of his warm little bed and is forced to stand there while we look for a shadow.  Then they shove his little confused rodent body back in the hole and walk away.  I'm pretty sure he says, "What the heck was that?"...in groundhog language, of course.

And so, about 5 years ago....and 4 years ago.....I made the cupcake EXACTLY as the directions stated.  It took me 2 hours ALONE to assemble the eye balls.  Step 1 - FIND coconut jelly bellies.  This is Germany, people.  I had to hunt those jelly beans for DAYS!  Step 2 - cut the little bitty white beans.  Just so you know...the eyes are a little LESS than 1/2 of a jelly bean.  I nearly cut my fingers off doing this step.  If you cut the bean in HALF...the groundhog looked so BUG EYED that it was disturbing...so...a little less than half equaled a good amount of cutting and cursing.  Step 3 - make perfect little black dots on top of the "less-than-half" white jelly bellies.  Smear the dot and you are starting over - no need to make the groundhog look drunk.  Step 4 - cut the little pink part that so cleverly goes between the perfectly plump cheeks.  Again...cutting and cursing.  Step 5 - ask yourself why in the world you are doing this.  Step 6 - Bake the cupcakes, cool the cupcakes.  Step 7 - Take your Almond Joy candy bar and assemble ALL of your groundhogs...and lay them out like little brown bodies.  Little clones...all staring up.  Step 8 - Once the groundhogs have dried...stare at them in disbelief that you just wasted 5 hours of your life decorating an Almond Joy.  Step 9 - Crush Oreos into dust...it's harder than it sounds Step 10 - frost the cupcakes with frosting "snow"...stick the groundhog in halfway and then sprinkle with the Oreo dust...very cleverly to look like dirt.  

I just had a thought...Groundhogs don't do THAT!  Moles do....so....all this tells me is that there are some serious inaccuracies here.  Great...all that work only to find out I have created a life science LIE.  So:  note to self:  Do not use this cupcake for showing how groundhogs fly out of the earth with such force that oreo dust surrounds it.

Check.

Now, clean yourself up and deliver these clever concoctions to the Elementary School and prepare yourself.  Because ALL CHILDREN UNDER 10 YEARS OLD will take a look at the groundhogs, say "OH MY GOSH THOSE ARE SO CUTE HOW DID YOU DO THAT???"


......They will then take the groundhog out of the cupcake, lick the frosting off of the groundhogs little non-existent feet and....place it aside to be thrown away with the cute little paper plate you sat it on.  Turns out, kids are NOT fans of coconut and, well, in a very non-official poll (taken by me) it was discovered that kids are NOT the largest consumers of Almond Joy candy bars.  Daddies on Halloween night are.  It's always plentiful and alone in a candy bag...and THAT'S the truth people.

So, I asked myself...."What will kids eat?"  Because, I was going to celebrate this non-official holiday, dang it...and that's that.  And, like magic, I thought....NUTTERBUTTER COOKIES!  Eureka!  I have stumbled upon a solution that is yummy and practical.  SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME AN AWARD!

And, like the Moon Pies...tragedy struck.  February 2, 2010 sneaked up on me like a mischievous child and 1/2 and hour before our beloved commissary shut down for the evening, Emily said, "MOM!!!!!!!  Tomorrow is Groundhog Day!!!  You have to make THE cupcakes!".  Me:  "Emily, the commissary closes in 30 minutes!"  Emily, "THEN HURRY MOM!"

Darn it...I put my shoes on and drove to the commissary and grabbed minimal ingredients for the most amazingly cute cupcakes ever....and then went to bed without doing "Steps One through Seven".  I was going to pay DEARLY in the morning.

Morning rush....no cupcakes and the last thing sweet Emily said to me was, "Don't forget to make the cupcakes!  I love you, Mom!"....then she turned to her little friend and said, "My mom makes the cutest cupcakes for Groundhog Day....".  Literally - I thought the word "crap". Not nice, I know.  But, that's is exactly what entered my mind. crap crap crap crap.....I have to make cupcakes and stick an edible rodent in it.  So much for laundry and toilet scrubbing....

I went to work. Bake, assemble, yadda yadda yadda....maybe I should check the website...nope...keep assembling....crush...sprinkle....these look like.....crap.  

They look like little peanut shaped tombstones for heaven's sake!

 Little peanut shaped tombstones with bug eyes and dirt around them like whatever was sleeping beneath the tombstone was trying to ESCAPE from it's dark, cold grave.  Oh, gosh...maybe I should check the darn website (it had been a couple of years since I had looked at the "perfect version".)  I pulled it up and GASPED OUT LOUD!  I looked at my tombstones....I looked at the website.....back at the tombstones.....back at the website.  Oh, crappity crap crap.  I've done it again.   

Mediocrity REIGNS!

Then, as if the tombstones weren't bad enough....I thought about this bible verse....the one I frequently say between clenched teeth when the house is upside down and I spend 4 hours setting it upright.

Colossians 3:22-24 (New International Version)

 ²²Slaves Momma's, obey your earthly masters in everything Support your husband, train your children, cook yummy, healthy meals, show your children how to take care of a house and home, be a merciful homework helper, don't grumble about dirty kitchens after dinner....ETC; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. ²³Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, ²⁴since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

All I have to say is THANK GOODNESS there is a reward! 

Whatever you do (read:  "When you are making Groundhog Day cupcakes...") work at it with all your heart.  Well, poo...I feel guilty again for the tombstones that NOW - EMILY IS PASSING THEM OUT TO OUR NEIGHBORS!  Gosh gosh gosh...what are they thinking?  Are they wondering what on earth is wrong with me?  I just want to hide.  AND YET, she keeps coming back for more - as happy as a little clam with tombstone cupcakes!  

So, I slept on it and this morning while I was making my bed, God put down His big ole heavenly hand and "said", "Sweet girl...thank you for making those cupcakes for Emily.  You made her happy and you made Me happy." and I "said"..."You mean the freaky tombstone moles with creepy dirt all over them??" and God said, "Yes, those are the ones I mean.....and they weren't creepy to me.  They were funny.".  And seriously...with no quotes around it, I thought about ANOTHER place in the bible.  One of my favorites places...

Luke 10: 38-42

³⁸As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. ³⁹She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. ⁴⁰But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"

 ⁴¹"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, ⁴²but only one thing is needed.^[f] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

Okay...so here's the deal.  Mary and Martha are sisters and Jesus (who happens to be a really close friend to their brother, Lazarus...yes the guy who dies and Jesus brings back to life....) comes to town.  Martha freaks out and channels her inner "Martha Stewart" and runs around like a nut on a tree.  Mary says to herself..."Forget it...Martha can freak if she wants...I'm going to spend what time I have with Jesus..." and Martha is NOT happy.  She fusses and tattles on Mary TO Jesus and He says..."she has chosen what is better".

When I lose my mind and make things perfect, I do NOT act perfect.  Usually I fuss my head off.  I'm so mouthy...can you tell?  Words are my weapon of choice and I'm sure God is not happy with my choices sometimes.  But, this morning as I was making my bed and feeling sheepish about the scary peanut shaped things...God said to me..."You choose what was better..." and He blessed my efforts.  

Kids hate Almond Joy candy bars.  They love Nutterbuttters.  The Almond Joy version is PAINSTAKING....the cookie ones are mindless (I know this because I watched Sesame Street while making them...and there were NO kids even home at the time!)....and Emily was THRILLED.  She just kept loadin' up those paper plates and delivering them to neighbors.  It made my heart *sigh* to see her so pleased.  She's a giver.

Jack said, "thank you" a million times and ate way too many cookies.

Catherine cracked up because she remembers "the good ole days"...and said, "Wow...those are really funny...".

Andrew is 14 and he just eats everything...scary tombstone twins or not.

And so...I challenge you.  Whether it's Moon Pies instead of Moon Cakes or Freaky Tombstone Moles versus adorable Almond Joy Groundhogs - "Choose what is better".  What best serves the person or family or organization you are serving? 

HELP US!  We have busted out of the ground only to find ourselves in a cupcake holder!

Is is better to be perfect or is it better to be available? 

I bet if you asked Emily...she would say, "available"...and then she would deliver it to the neighbors as fast as she could.

Self-photo of my girl...my sweet sweet girl...