Courage

In truth I am not that courageous. I want people to think I am but no matter what you see on the outside - I am seeking approval and comfort in my heart. I am the queen of a false front. Maybe that's why those false front buildings fascinate me so much. You look down a city street and you think "Wow...look at that...so tall....so grand....so...wait...what is that? That building is a normal, squatty building with a magnificent front! Where does that top window lead to?? The sky!? huh....interesting...." Okay...I am not THAT bad. However, I do find myself trying to hide my lack of courage. Yesterday was so exception.

July the 4th in Germany is a curious thing. The Germans get into our holiday because in Mannheim we have the crazy fest going and then at 10:30pm...terrific fireworks for 1/2 and hour. So...they ride their bikes over and line up to cheer and whoop with the Americans because 200+ years ago....we got what we wanted...FREEDOM!! Yay!!! Way to go Founding Fathers! We are still very proud of you!

I decided to go to LEGOLAND with the kids and then drive home FAST so we didn't miss the fireworks. Andrew, in full swing of being 13, refused to go to "that baby park" with me. I let him stay with a neighbor because I KNEW he would regret that decision. (Just so you know...he was miserable when I got home because he missed us...wished he was with us...and kept hugging me....OH THANK YOU, LORD! SCORE 1for the un-courageous momma - wondering if she had made the right decision!).

LEGOLAND is 2 1/2 hours away (now I know not to do that again) and everything was going great until I opened a bathroom door, Jack stuck his sweet fingers in the crack and I slammed the door. I almost fainted when I realized what I had done. Jack almost fainted when he saw his thumb smashed in two places...(warning: this is icky...) all of the way to the bone. OH GOOD GOSH! WHAT HAVE I DONE? We hurried to a water stream in a water park and tried to cool the area down....then we ran to a "Baby Raum" (a place for mother's of young children) to see if they had ice (ICE????? We were in Germany....they don't really get into ICE!). The lady was so nice. They ran and got chairs (I was in a trance whispering to Jack, "I am so sorry....I am so sorry....I am so sorry...")....ran and got a cool cloth and they (brace yourself!) CALLED AN AMBULANCE!! Oh, dear heavens. I am short on courage as it is...now an ambulance is coming to get Jack because his thumb was smashed. Germans are no joke. (By the way...the other kids are with my friend that we came with.) My friend Michele comes running in the Baby Raum and starts asking questions in German. "Please don't take them out of the park! You ARE staying in LEGOLAND aren't you? Why did you call an ambulance? Where can I find Christy? NO! They don't speak German. We are American! No...only English! Okay...I will meet you at the First Aid station..." My head was swimming and once in the ambulance I realized we were in the middle of a typical "My husband is deployed..." story.

Long long story short....Jack's thumb was not broken...my spirit was not broken....and we discovered that it was just a slow day at the first aid station and having a squashed thumb was a good diversion from gluing legos together. Yep...they spend their free time gluing lego structures together for the 1 of MANY lego stores in the park. All was well (after Jack was stripped, his clothes thrown in the dryer because he was soaked from the water park, ice packs were gently placed around the thumb and I was given some kind words about accidents just happen and sent on my way with Jack in dry clothes.) My courage was tested again. It wasn't enough to take off an adventure with the kids when John is gone...but I had endure Jack's misadventure with a bathroom door and find the courage to not make it all about me. It was, after all, the 4th of July. A day of the ultimate courage. I was just following in the steps of the guys who took the ultimate leap of courage and declared that leaving oppression wasn't enough...declaring freedom from what held them down was the only way to go!! I hope that in some small way - our family trying to make the best out of John's time away is placing a brick in the wall of courage that our forefathers started building a long time ago! We are just carrying on the tradition of freeing ourselves from what holds us down...my own Independence Day (15 months of it!)....finding courage where I thought there was only a false front. Not fainting when I hurt my youngest son...Not worrying about travelling out of Mannheim...Letting Andrew make a decision that I knew he would regret and not be hurt from it...Getting closer to friends when I know I may never see them again after next summer...Celebrating the 4th by just being plain ole' courageous!!

Very cool....