The Flower Girl

When I was about 5 years old, I was a flower girl. My mom made the velvet dress...it was pink on the top and red on the bottom and it was long and it was BEE-U-TEE-FULL! I remember someone putting the basket in my hand and I started down the aisle with the most obnoxious ring bearer EVER. He totally did not understand the beauty and gravity of the jobs that were bestowed upon us by the bride and groom. I pretty much ignored him...stared at my perfect basket full of perfect rose petals...and began to dump them all over the place. Then, I decided to be frugal...then just dump them again...and I liked the way hand fulls of the petals floated down to the "pull-out-white-paper-aisle" and they looked like like precious pink paratroopers....floating floating floating...then plop. My basket was so full and it was glorious. If it hadn't been for ORBB (obnoxious ring bearer boy)...it would have been like a movie.

And now I give you me....again...this time 39 and I am having a little "WHAT WAS I THINKING??????" moment! I was looking back (*note* a couple of blogs ago I confessed that I am "new mom"...approaching 40 with zest sprinkled here and there with reflection....) on my 20ish years to my about 35ish years. And I recalled that George Bernard Shaw was quoted as saying, "Youth is wasted on the young..."

I never got that until now....because all of a sudden, people who are "young" (18-25 years old.....after 26 you need to grow the heck UP!)...seem to be ding-dongs! I'm thinking..."pull up your jeans!" and "she should cover up her perfectly perky boobs!" and "is she old enough to have that baby?"....and so on and so on. It makes me feel old to think those things....but I still think them. And one day...out of the blue...I had a little scrapbook flashback of my flower girl gig. When I was 5 and had never seen a flower girl basket before and had never seen all of those perfect little individual rose petals before...they looked like an endless perfect supply of rose petals. Thus....why I took them by hand fulls and tossed them on the aisle. So what...right? If I ran out I would go and get more. No big deal.

Sometimes (and mind you...this is only SOMEtimes...so don't run out and tell people that I am having a hissy fit about not being 22 years old...) I wonder if I "flower girled" my 20ish years away. Did I just grab it by the handful and toss it out as if I could replenish the supply at whim? Did I tire of dating too fast and long too soon to be a wife and mother? Should I have saved some of my "youth" for my 30's and (wait for it.............................) my 40's??? Am I going to be a pathetic 40 year old woman in a red and pink velvet dress...splitting the sides...crawling around in reckless panic...gathering up bits and pieces of youthful tokens...stuffing them in my basket and bra...while people around me watch in horror?

Thank the sweet Lord who sees fit to leave me here on earth....another day....because the afore mentioned panic was so fleeting...I barely had time to get the thought out that my heart screamed "NO!". That is not me at all. I get it...I am not 20...25....30....or 35. I am not sexy (....don't tell John!) and I am not a maiden skipping through fields of buttercups humming "Edelweiss" whilst strong stable boys gaze at me from behind hay stacks. It's okay. I'm not a big fan of skipping OR stable boys...and I think women who try hard not to be their age are extremely creepy and disturbing. But, I am taking a look at the basket in my hand and the rose petals I DO have and I am saying..."Hey, rose petal!!" Each one is special and each one represents a little special thing that I can do with my life. Our baskets are full when God wants our baskets to be full.

I am so blessed to still have my basket in my hand....and so are you, friend! Every day is like a little step down that aisle and you can do what you want with the petals. It's just cool that I looked down after all of this time and saw the basket at all. I think I thought it was gone....but it isn't...and to that I say "HALLELUJAH!".

And here is my little prayer for today..."Jesus...help me to be the flower girl you made me to be!"

And when we reach that Bridegroom....we won't be the flower girl....we will be the BRIDE and the reception will be the most amazing thing....we can't even fathom it! Whew...what a way to begin Lent!! CAN I GET AN AMEN????